a sort of leave-taking

spiderweb garland 3

At the threshold of sleeping and waking, I remembered something I’d seen in a dream – it was a young woman sitting by a fire, pouring tea from a large pot and remarking about the program she was listening to on the radio. It was gloriously old-fashioned and comfortable, in the same way that I used to find walking into my grandparents house was comfortable; full of simple, familiar routines that could ease my worries in an instant.

Quiet girls with dark-framed glasses – their perfect skin and lovely smiles that you’d never notice because you never notice. Pouring tea from an over-sized Brown Betty, old radios playing crackling dance-hall records. Lace doilies and cardigans; the faint smell of damp. Wing-backed chairs by small, coal-fires in drafty houses. Small smiles and contented hearts; thin, blue, air-mail paper and the wobbling script of an aged hand.

I watched Jane Eyre on the weekend and I found myself remembering why I used to write poetry. It helps me capture those threads of longing that I feel when I see storm-scudded skies and the bleak beauty of wind-rent heather and cold stone. I try to anchor myself on this patch of earth, all the while my spirit is restless and longs for a home and life far out of time and space.

Hiraeth

Writing holds me fast to the waking world, lest I lose myself in the dreams entirely. But it’s a madness of it’s own and each time I go under, I wonder if I’ll be able to come back to the surface. I think of Inkheart and sigh for the notion of worlds-made-real.

Telling stories is one thing, dressing them up is entirely another and I wonder if that’s at all what I want to do, at least on any sort of grand scale. But there’s a burden of guilt attached to not sharing and I find myself resenting it. Ever contrary, I want to do the opposite of what’s expected.

I just want to write down the stories that are following me around.

The snow is coming down, thick and fast. Winter, it seems, has finally arrived.

until next we meet,

~m. xo

 

 

 

heart-full

So, we ran out of internet at the end of the month. [’tis an exasperating situation stemming from pitiful rural service, bandwidth limits and an autistic child who doesn’t quite grasp the idea of moderation. :)]

Once we reach our limit, our speed slows down to those circa 1996. Remember those days? You could go and make a cup of tea while waiting for your email to load? Ah, good times. So, yes, I spent the last ten days trapped in the internet-nineties.

And then my computer died.

True story.

The universe is trying to tell me something in that mad-glint-in-the-eye, be-careful-what-you-wish-for sort of way.

You want analogue? I’ll give you analogue…

Between moments of lying face-down on the floor [there was a brief spell when I thought I’d lost my manuscript revisions] and moments of quiet delight [because, I sort of really do want analogue], I’ve managed to wrangle the entire experience into some semblance of perspective.

Sort of.

The pendulum swings wildly between packing it all in and soldiering valiantly on.

Currently, I’m a digital nomad…scurrying furtively from one borrowed computer to another. I’m still toying with the idea of packing it in and becoming a recluse.

In the meanwhile….

My beautiful friend Lis, who has reliably talked me off countless digital ledges in the past, is once again gearing up for her wonderful, annual, offering – HeartFull Living.

 

[click for more details]
[click for more details]

This year’s offering is particularly near-and-dear to me as Lis is donating all proceeds to HETRA, which is an equine therapy organization in her area. I know very well the magic of horse medicine and Lis gets to experience it full on when she volunteers there. You can read her post about that here.

Lis has asked me to join a collection of wonderful souls as a guest contributor this year – which tickles me beyond belief. As a contributor, I get to join in with the group but because I love Lis so much and am so inspired by both her work and her mission and because I know the incredible gift that these horses are –¬† I signed up again.

Which means I have a spot to give away.

And so I thought one of you might fancy it.

If you do – and why wouldn’t you?! – leave a comment and I’ll pick a name at random on…let’s say…..Thursday February 11th? Sound good?

The conversations of HeartFull Living never fail to prop me up — especially at this time of year when my spirit is certainly flagging. It’s gentle simplicity and thoughtfulness¬† is a welcome balm to my weary soul.

It’s a Very Good Thing Indeed.

~m. xo

ps. feel free to pass this on to anyone you think might enjoy the gathering – you can never have too much love.